A Touchy Subject?

Well, summer is on it’s way, or perhaps it is here for some parts of the country. And along with the warmer weather comes an issue that has been of concern to me for some time.

The issue is... MODESTY. It seems to be considered one of the lesser virtues, even in the church today. Of course, since there is no new thing under the sun, this is by no means a new problem; however, it is one that seemingly few pastors or churches want to touch.

Some may say, "What difference does it make to anyone else how I dress?" It matters a great deal to many people, but more importantly, it matters to God. While it isn’t mentioned much by name in scripture, the concept is certainly there. There are many passages that can apply to this issue as well as others; and there are stories, OT and NT, that bear out the need for modesty.

Now before any of you think that I am an aged prude, I’ll state that I am only 38 and I love my clothes! I enjoy dressing in current styles, though I do find that modifications are often in order. I have found that an excellent resource of information on how to do this is the Dannah Gresh website. Though most of her ministry is to teens and younger, I feel that some of us older women really need this info as well. Click here to explore her site.

The reason I feel compelled to speak out on this is because I used to have big problems in this area myself. I used to dress in a way to try to attract men to me based on my looks. After I was married, I still dressed that way to try to keep my husband’s attention away from the other women who were dressing immodestly. But then I ran into something one day (though it wasn’t the first time I had read it) that really spoke to me...

1 Timothy 2:9-10...in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works.

Wow, I thought. Modest apparel - pretty straightforward, yet still not specific... A matter of conscience perhaps?
With moderation/not with costly clothing, etc - not to be showing off, or drawing attention to myself...

Further study led me here:
1 Peter 3:3-4 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

Not merely outward - not that you can't do those things, but they must not be your focus, or worse, an obsession... Obviously, what matters to God is the gentle spirit.

Back to the matters of conscience. In 1 Corinthians 8 and Romans 14 we read about matters of conscience and liberty. It very clearly states that we don’t use our liberty in such a way that we offend the weaker brother and cause him to sin. Ladies, do you realize that the way we dress at church in front of our brothers and sisters has the power to cause them to stumble?

Immodesty may cause married men to look at us in such a way that should be reserved for their wives. Or if it’s a single man, he may be struggling to look at us as the sisters we are. I know from my own husband’s perspective, this is something that matters a great deal to him. He very much wants to keep his mind on the things that are pure when we are at worship; he wants to be able to look at all the women as his sisters. This becomes very difficult for a man when he has to turn away and look at the floor when the consequences are that he may see those parts of us which are intended for our husbands alone. Of course, it isn’t just a matter of how we dress at church. We represent Christ wherever we go.

As to how it affects our sisters, it can cause jealousy, envy, and foster a sort of competition that is not conducive to worship. It can cause many women to overemphasize their looks, and ignore what we are supposed to be there for.

I recently received a weekly devotional email from Desiring God ministries that contained a letter that John Piper had written to a newspaper regarding the issue of "sex sells" advertising. He gave 9 valid points why "Unclothed was Unfitting". While his points were in regard to models in their underwear used for advertising, the concept still applies here. He says, "Ephesians 5:3 says that some things "are not fitting" among saints." "Fitting-ness" is not always easy to justify with arguments. You discern it before you can defend it. That's good, because we have to make hundreds of choices every day with no time for extended reflection." Click here for context.

As to stories in the Bible, read the account of David and Bathsheba in 2 Samuel 11. I believe that she should have been much more discreet with her bathing time knowing that she could so easily be seen. The results of this indiscretion (as well as David's lack of control) were costly as seen in chapter 12.

I also believe that the older women are supposed to be teaching this and other matters of godliness by word and example to the younger women, as stated here:

Titus 2:3-5 ...the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.

Why do so few pastors seem to want to address this? I’m not sure, but I realize it is a rather sensitive subject. I can really appreciate John MacArthur’s sermon series, God’s High Calling for Women, which was rebroadcast recently on Grace to You. He tackles this subject and more regarding women in the church much better than I can here, and with such clarity. I highly recommend that you check it out here.

Incidentally, my husband truly appreciates my attempts to be more modest. He says he feels even more attracted to me because of it.

Blessings to you!